Top ten signs your new year is off to a bad start

Top ten signs your new year is off to a bad start

Posted on January 10th, 2011 by Bob Sullivan

10. You’re just waking up from your 2009 New Year’s Eve party

9. For Dancing With the Stars, you bet your life’s savings on Michael Bolton

8. Both your cholesterol and your children are way too high

7. When the airport’s full-body scanner tried to scan you, the screen cracked

6. You’re still Bernie Madoff

5. You’ve started a brand new week by reading a lame Top Ten list

4. For Christmas, your wife gave you that new STD iPhone app

3. You’re a Democrat

2. You’re not in the top two percent wealthiest Americans

1. You have a pre-existing condition

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.