Top ten more dog one-liners

Top ten more dog one-liners

Posted on April 9th, 2018 by Bob Sullivan

10. I know my dog thinks he’s man’s best friend, because he keeps trying to borrow money from me.

9. I can’t figure out why my dog races to the door whenever the doorbell rings, because I can’t remember that last time it was actually for him.

8. My new exercise regime is basically retrieving things I’m trying to teach my puppy to fetch.

7. If a police dog is chasing you, try not to dive into a tunnel, then walk the length of a seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire, because they’re trained for that.

6. The one thing my dog and I have in common is that we never want me to go to work.

5. I poured spot remover on my dog, and now he’s gone.

4. I just bought this new product that’s a combination toilet bowl cleaner and dog breath freshener.

3. If you’re longing for the pitter-patter of little feet, get a dog, because they’re cheaper and you get more feet.

2. My dog is half pitbull, half golden retriever, so he’ll bite someone’s arm off and then run for help.

1. Sometimes I get the feeling that dogs are just using us for our thumbs.

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.