Top ten more alcohol one-liners

Top ten more alcohol one-liners

Posted on April 16th, 2018 by Bob Sullivan

10. When I saw the wino in the gutter eating grapes, I was like, “Hey, Bro, you gotta wait!”

9. Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

8. You can’t expect me to stick to my New Year’s resolution about giving up drinking, because I was drunk when I made it.

7. The later I get, the drunker it is.

6. Liquor and beer, never fear, but beer and liquor, yadda yadda yadda mugshot.

5. Every time I pour a round of drinks it goes all over the place, so I guess I need glasses.

4. When I say I’m a recovering alcoholic, I don’t mean that I’m giving up alcohol, but that I have a hangover.

3. A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the bartender gives her one.

2. I was so drunk last night that, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bar, I won the dance contest.

1. Hypnotists say they can cure alcoholism merely by implanting a subliminal idea in the drinker’s head, which is a sobering thought.

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.