Top ten signs you’re at a cheap circus

Top ten signs you’re at a cheap circus

Posted on August 23rd, 2010 by Bob Sullivan

10. Instead of freakishly large floppy shoes, the funniest shoes the clowns can afford are size 15

9. The ‘fire eater’ is just some guy chomping on extra spicy chili peppers

8. Their ‘clown’ is a transvestite Lady Gaga impersonator

7. The trapeze artiste has a seatbelt

6. The ‘bearded lady’ has a suspicious bulge in the groinal area

5. The supposed ‘baby elephant’ looks suspiciously like a bulldog that’s been ‘altered’

4. The cotton candy is guaranteed 100% cotton

3. Twenty clowns don’t pile out of a teeny weeny car, just one really fat clown

2. When you look closely at the tamer’s lion, there’s a zipper

1. Instead of popcorn, they sell trail mix made from tent sweepings

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.