My top ten new year’s resolutions
10. I resolve to lose just enough weight so my gut doesn’t jiggle when I brush my teeth
9. I resolve to stop drinking, the moment I pass out or all the booze is gone
8. I resolve to finally find Waldo
7. I resolve to keep my ambitions within reach
6. I resolve to solve world hunger
5. I resolve to email back that Nigerian prince who keeps trying to contact me
4. I resolve to buy a t-shirt that says “LIFE” on it, then stand on a street corner and hand out lemons to passersby
3. I resolve to drive by my gym at least three times a week
2. I resolve to keep all my resolutions to myself this year
1. I resolve to limit my number of resolutions to nine
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
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