10. “All of this year’s required textbooks are by L. Ron Hubbard”

9. “We’re working with a local prison this year on a new program called ‘Scared Smart’”

8. “So, over the summer, did that thumb-sucking problem ever clear up?”

7. “Good news! Instead of dissecting a frog in Biology this year, we were lucky enough to procure the remains of the recently deceased James Arness!”

6. “Those with head lice, please line up on this side of the gymnasium”

5. “I is your new English teacher”

4. “Today’s lecture on Evolution will be delivered by guest speaker Michele Bachmann”

3. “I’m your gym teacher, and I say that’s what wrestlers wore during the original Olympics: nothing!”

2. “Today, for a change of pace, we’ll be pledging allegiance to the Powers of Darkness”

1. “Your grades will be determined by how well you rub my feet”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

Latest posts by Bob Sullivan (Posts)

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