Top ten signs your lifeguard is nuts
10. He insists all rescues be pre-approved
9. He spends the entire day chasing seagulls and shouting to see if he can scare the poop out of them
8. Instead of a whistle, he uses a piano
7. Every day he comes to work in full Shrek makeup
6. He’s mad as hell ’cause the CPR dummy keeps refusing his advances
5. He got a life-size tattoo portrait of David Hasselhoff all over his body — and he’s five-two
4. He keeps trying to give himself the kiss of life
3. He enjoys wearing a plasticine fin on his back and panicking tourists
2. He has a steering wheel mounted on his big lifeguard’s chair, and he loves to steer his way through the universe
1. Instead of rubbing sunblock on his nose, he uses vanilla pudding
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
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