Kafka the quarterback
I’ve just discovered that the third-string quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles is named Mike Kafka. It’s a tale that cannot end well. While most NFL players simply have to succeed on the field, Kafka has larger problems.
Try as Kafka might, he cannot learn what plays the Eagles want him to run — the playbook is kept from him by mysterious authorities; despite his many inquiries he cannot find the stadium — even though he always seems about to arrive, it remains just beyond his reach; he is accused of breaking league rules, but no one will tell him what crime he has committed or how he might defend himself against the unspoken charges; Kafka is tortured by feelings of unworthiness and knows he can never measure up to his father; and despite devoting himself to his family and working himself to exhaustion to provide them with his hefty NFL paycheck, in the moment of his greatest need his own family, even his beloved sister, will wish he were dead and leave him to starve to death as he gives up on life.
(Photo from philadelphiaeagles.com)
Latest posts by Scott Stein (Posts)
- A Brush with Techno-Corporate-Bureaucracy - May 6, 2023
- Franz Kafka’s Content Warnings - June 29, 2021
- Coronavirus wisdom from great philosophers - March 31, 2020
- My new novel has a publisher - April 11, 2019
- Superman lacks super understanding of economics, causes of crime - January 17, 2012
Print This Post
He is damn lucky that Dennis Miller is no longer working the MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL booth, because we’d constantly be hearing “That pass was positively Kafkaesque, Al!” or “I was talking to Coach Reid before the game about Kafka’s immersion into Yiddish literature, and the big guy farted on me!”
Now that is what i call funny…
At least he hasn’t awakened to find himself turning into a giant bug. Yet.
hysterical!
You’ve inspired me, Scott. I’ll have to whip out a “Post in the Key of Scott.”
Imagine the possibilities. You could have a narcissistic film-maker named Milos Favre and his streak of 246 consecutive films with sad endings; a quarterback named Donovan Kubrick whose play is marked by an “open narrative” interpretation of the West Coast Offense and a disquieting stillness in the pocket; etc.
Awesome!
Michael,
But keep in mind that Kafka is actually a quarterback for the Eagles. I didn’t make that up.
@Scott
Oh I know. I’ve got an Eagles roster right in front of me in my season preview edition of PRO FOOTBALL WEEKLY. Plus, the young buck played in my old stomping grounds (the Big 10). Not that I spent a minute of my life at Northwestern, but still, I actually applied to attend college there (and was subsequently rejected).
No Franz K wrote would be as surreal as a Wildcat QB making it in the NFL. Hilarious post.