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Kafka the quarterback

I’ve just discovered that the third-string quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles is named Mike Kafka. It’s a tale that cannot end well. While most NFL players simply have to succeed on the field, Kafka has larger problems. 

 Kafka the quarterback

Try as Kafka [1] might, he cannot learn what plays the Eagles want him to run — the playbook is kept from him by mysterious authorities; despite his many inquiries he cannot find the stadium — even though he always seems about to arrive, it remains just beyond his reach; he is accused of breaking league rules, but no one will tell him what crime he has committed or how he might defend himself against the unspoken charges; Kafka is tortured by feelings of unworthiness and knows he can never measure up to his father; and despite devoting himself to his family and working himself to exhaustion to provide them with his hefty NFL paycheck, in the moment of his greatest need his own family, even his beloved sister, will wish he were dead and leave him to starve to death as he gives up on life.

(Photo from philadelphiaeagles.com)

Scott Stein's most recent novels are The Great American Deception [7], which received a starred review from Publishers Weekly, and The Great American Betrayal [8], which Vulture.com named one of "The Best Comedy Books of 2022." His older novels are Lost [9] and Mean Martin Manning and his short satire and fiction have been published in The Oxford University Press Humor Reader, McSweeney's,The G.W. Review, Points in Case, Liberty, National Review, and Art Times. He is a professor of English at Drexel University. His author site is scottsteinonline.com [10].

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