Top ten things you don’t want to hear on Valentine’s Day

Top ten things you don’t want to hear on Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 8th, 2010 by Bob Sullivan

10. “Honey, tonight dinner’s on me! I have a coupon!”

9. “When I said I hoped you’d give me something special, I didn’t mean Swine Flu.”

8. “I’m so looking forward to spending the coming year with you, Mr. Madoff.”

7. “Table for one? Right this way, Sir!”

6. “We can have hanky, but I’m not quite ready for panky.”

5. “No, offense, but I think you should try out for ‘America’s Least Wanted’.”

4. “We patch leaking tires here; we don’t fix ‘girlfriends’.”

3. “Bad news, Dear: Tonight, in bed, Jay Leno is taking over your old time slot.”

2. “So this year, Valentine’s Day is on the fourteenth?!”

1. “Hi! This is Tiger. Happy Valentine’s Day to my one and only! I love you – ummmm…Who did I call again?”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.