Top ten signs you’ve rented a bad summer house
Posted on August 31st, 2009 by Bob Sullivan
10. When they say “ocean view,” that includes “on television.”
9. It’s a time-share, and you only get it alternate Tuesdays.
8. There’s a security camera in the shower.
7. The “backyard pool” is only there during high tide.
6. The beach in front of the house is “bring your own sand.”
5. It’s in Nebraska.
4. The lease states that “this agreement includes free nightly massages…for the property owner.”
3. It’s in a newly opened development called Rancho Guantanamo.
2. You’re contractually obligated to ignore the shackled person in the basement.
1. The large number of cobwebs are the only thing keeping the place standing upright.
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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i really enjoyed this list. except for the fact that it has sand and water, a lot of the old bungalows in Rocakway Beach, Queens, look to have a number of the above-described characteristics, which is why i refer to the entire Rockaway Peninsula as the Armpit of Queens.