10. On your Chemistry final, you answered every question with “Do I look like a rocket scientist?!”

9. Your nickname is “Glue-Sniffin’ Gus.”

8. On your Civics final, you kept spelling it “Cervix.”

7. Your final paper in Music class was entitled “Why the Jonas Brothers Are the New Mozart”

6. Nobody believes that the pot they found in your locker was planted there as part of a “right-wing conspiracy.”

5. In your high school yearbook, you were voted ‘Most Likely to Be Unable to Distinguish between His Ass and a Hole in the Ground.’

4. You were caught out on the football field, sticking a suppository into a hole in the ground.

3. On your Literature final, you said Moby Dick was an STD.

2. You’ve been in the seventh grade since the Carter Administration.

1. On your essay “How I Plan to Spend My Summer Vacation,” your teacher wrote “Think again.”

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

Latest posts by Bob Sullivan (Posts)

• Top ten reasons this will be my last Top Ten List - April 30, 2018
• Top ten more syntax one-liners - April 23, 2018
• Top ten more alcohol one-liners - April 16, 2018
• Top ten more dog one-liners - April 9, 2018
• Top ten revelations in the Stormy Daniels 60 Minutes interview - April 2, 2018

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