Top ten Somali pirates’ complaints
Posted on April 20th, 2009 by Bob Sullivan
10. No employer-subsidized health care coverage
9. Parrot poop on their shoulders
8. Little chance of actually getting to meet Johnny Depp
7. Scurvy
6. Keep getting their swash caught in their buckle
5. No discount when eating at Long John Silver’s
4. People who keep coming up to them and saying, “Arrrrrrrr!!!”
3. Seriously, have you ever been to Somalia?
2. When they forget, and put their telescope up to the eye with the patch
1. Navy snipers
Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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