November 12, 2009
I dream I am preparing for my wedding and I must make chocolates the way Jacques Pepin made them on his television show. I excuse myself to “do something,” but I don’t want anyone to know exactly what for fear I will be ridiculed. I go to the store to purchase expensive chocolate plus nuts, cornflakes, and other things to immerse. I am late for the store van, and there is hardly enough room for me. I have to climb over rows of tiny people to get to one seat in the back.

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April 10, 2009
I dream Gail and I visit a cross between the Sands Casino in Atlantic City and a video arcade from the 1970’s. I enjoy playing a long-neglected game and discover that the coin return slot is packed. I pull out many coins and an equal number of old tissues and cigarette butts. It’s disgusting, but I feel that this is the only way to win in these places. Gail is appalled that I was willing to do this messy stuff, and when I go home I see that I have a thick tuft of hair coming out of my urethra. Gail is disgusted. I pull the hair out in a big clump.

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November 7, 2009
I dream a salesman in a men’s store informs me that I am dressing incorrectly and if I only bought the right suit I would look sensational. He hands me a suit to try on and it does not look as if it would fit me. I squeeze into it, however, and while it feels funny I look in the mirror and I am fabulous. I comb out my scraggly hair as well and it turns out to be shoulder length and silky. I look wonderful and feel positive about myself.

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November 20, 2009
I dream I am living in a dorm with my roommate, Eric. Our room is a mess and there are several loose pretzels on his bed. Eric is inspired and suggests that we enhance our web site with snack-related features. I leave the room with my suitcase and stumble into a “happening” performed by students dressed as doctors. I am wearing my C-PAP mask and chin strap, so I look like a mummy. I try to sit in the bleachers, but the folks dressed as doctors insist I participate.

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November 7, 2009
I dream I am on a nature trip with some of my colleagues. Diane shows me a clearing in the forest with a luxurious bedroom setup. She informs me that this is the new thing-elegant bedrooms in the midst of nature-and there is no charge to use them. If you come upon these places and you are tired you are supposed to just climb into bed. I wonder why they aren’t all already in use, but she informs me that they are not easy to find. I start looking for another one and wind up crawling for miles in the dark.

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September 25, 2009
I dream I am at a cross between a deserted mall and Six Flags. Bob and I want to ride one of the older gravity rides. We walk up flights of stairs and finally start to climb up tandem ladders inside a chute. Then when we run out of rungs, we intuit that we are to simply fall backwards. We do, and find that the anti-gravity properties of the chute work beautifully. We flutter down gracefully and gain momentum as we splash safely into the pool.

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November 1, 2009
I dream I have won a tiny fish at a carnival, and I keep him alive in a drinking glass by feeding him the crumbs of a saltine cracker. After various scrapes with death, the fish winds up in a tank in my kitchen, but I don’t know how the tank got there. Furthermore, it seems as if this fish had a baby fish. Then, when I wake up a subsequent morning, there is a huge tank with two enormous fish, two small fish, plus a large octopus. It becomes clear later that the octopus is really a guy who admonishes me for not taking care of my fish.

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June 18, 2009
I dream I am in the bathroom ready to leave for a trip to a nearby amusement park/carnival. In the bathroom, with a great deal of self-importance, I recite some of the final lines from Tennessee Williams’ The Glass Menagerie: “These days, the world is lit by lightning.” I repeat the line several times with increasing gravity. When I go out to the car, I notice that a neighbor who had been half buried in dirt pulls himself out, dazed. He is fully clothed but his penis is hanging out of his pants.

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October 9, 2009
I dream Dan Rather is working on a report in which he evaluates coffee and bananas. There is a dog who rates bananas at the Fred Siegel Rest Stop, which is located in Bucks County, PA, about an hour outside of New York. This rest stop is dedicated to “The Psychiatrists,” and the dog evaluates four bananas and one banana soup. Rather explains that the dog is a connoisseur, and has extensive knowledge of bananas.

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August 22, 2009
I dream I am attending a party at KennyB’s house. Karen wants to sing “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered” with me, but I don’t know the words. She has a copy of the lyrics, but she refuses to let me see it. In frustration, I take a bath in the kitchen tub. I shampoo my hair and everything, but when I get out of the tub I realize I am still wearing my underwear and, furthermore, I am not wet. I overhear interesting and sensational talk between KennyB and his roommates.

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July 17, 2009
I dream I’m on the way to my apartment in New York and a small group of elderly Jewish people are stopped on the street. They see me going up to the door of my building and ask if they can come in to use the bathroom. I check with Gail and she agrees to let them in. When they get into my apartment they make themselves at home. In fact, they start cooking and eating and hanging around and playing the soundtrack of the movie The Producers. I’m a little put off. Then, people start arriving for a show, a series of comic pantomimes performed in my apartment. Elderly Jews enjoy comedy.

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September 27, 2009
I dream I am visiting Paris with Gail and we wind up in the famous strip joint/variety venue, The Crazy Horse. I am hoping there is a magician performing there, and Gail speaks just enough French to determine that the current show has an 80 second magic act. There is not enough magic to justify the admission price, so we go to the race track instead. We purchase tickets, but we are turned away because our tickets are exploitative. The price is too high and there are various discounts that we don’t know about. While we try to sort this out, some poor fellow is shown committing adultery on the Jumbotron.

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August 24, 2009
I dream I am becoming aroused at an affair at a synagogue. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and when I look at my genitals I see that they are not mine. When I return to the party everyone is gone and there is no clue to where everyone went. I drive to Roosevelt Mall to look for the party, but I have no luck. [Read more →]

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June 2, 2009
I dream Gail and I are on our last night in Vegas but, unfortunately, we have to spend it at an art conference. I fulfill my obligation by commenting on the giant bird suit of a friend of mine, but Gail feels we have to spend the rest of the night seeing and being seen. We are in a giant art cafeteria and there is no place to sit down. I am depressed that we have to leave and this is how we spend our last night. [Read more →]

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November 10, 2008
I dream I am living with my father and my sister and it’s a school day. Seinfeld is on TV and it is a so-called “special episode” on which George’s mother dies of cancer. I am watching the last few minutes of the show on which Jerry and George are breaking the fourth wall and talking to the home viewers somewhat apologetically about having this kind of show. In the meantime, I want to get to school but my sister refuses to drive me. [Read more →]

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August 3, 2009
I dream I am attending a magic camp that is held in a studio/firehouse. Fabulous magician Andrew Goldenhirsh is performing at the side of the room where it is hard to see him. His final trick involves moving bits of paper around the surface of a television screen so as to make images appear more lifelike. I am asked to perform as well, but I am hesitant to follow Goldenhirsh. As I list the tricks I plan to perform my father gets upset. He notices that the tricks are all about death. I point out, “Yes, if you saw people in half, it’s about death. If you swallow needles, it’s about death. A lot of magic is about death.” This realization causes my father to sob.

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July 15, 2009
I dream I am at the refuse-filled compound of a junk cult. I load up a wheel barrow/scooter so that Abby and Tina and I can escape. We peddle away through several Long Island strip malls and finally check in to a motel. Sadly, when I look out the window I see that a group of our fellow cultists has followed us.  They have a lot of crap with them. I can’t let them know of my intention to escape the junk cult, so I invite them to a junk party in the motel room.

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August 7, 2009
I dream that I see in the mirror a lump the size of a cheeseburger on my left jowl. I tell Gail I must go to the hospital immediately because there is something wrong with my face. Gail says, “There is nothing wrong with your face.” I say, “Look at my ear.” My ear is diminished in size and hanging lower than usual.

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August 6, 2009
I dream a young woman decides to stay the night at my parent’s home where I still live. I am not sure what she wants. The next morning everybody in the house including my brother can’t get over the fact that this young woman wants to hang out with me. I meet her at a large, public area, and I lift her with one hand and hold her in the air in different configurations. She seems to be enjoying herself. Then, we visit J and Francis. Cockroaches as large as chicken breasts emerge from the floor and I am reluctant to step on them.

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July 21, 2009
I dream I offend an evil genius who vows to get me. He contacts me via a computer device and I see that there is a large snake within striking distance. I evade the snake, but then the evil genius texts me and informs me that a fish is after me. The computer shows me the fish in hot pursuit. I figure I have to get somewhere where there are no bodies of water. I escape to the office building of 1812 Productions and I hope that Jen will let me “hole up” there. The building is not near any bodies of water and furthermore there are several entrances, so if the fish pursues me from one direction I will escape from another.

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