10. They gave you a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug, but they crossed out ‘Greatest’ and wrote in ‘Largest.’

9. They’ve sent several anonymous letters to the Arizona legislature concerning your immigration status.

8. They save the term ‘Daddy’ for the FedEx guy.

7. They bought you a toaster and claim it’s “shower safe.”

6. They bought you a recently caught Gulf Coast trout.

5. Their nickname for you is ‘The Sperm Donor’.

4. They tell everyone they’re adopted, and their real dad is a homeless alcoholic.

3. They bought their mother The Big Book of Divorce Attorneys.

2. They keep telling neighborhood gangs you have the ability to catch bullets with your bare hands.

1. For Father’s Day, they gave you a Do-It-Yourself Vasectomy Kit.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd, family & parenting by Bob Sullivan
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It’s been windy every day since I moved into this little lavender house. The tiny tree in the backyard bangs on my bedroom wall all day with its one stretchy awkward branch. It is clearly reaching out and growing crooked to drive me nuts. The old house is gone, sold, and I didn’t think to pack tree-trimming tools.

No cable and no wifi has left me a lot of time with my thoughts. This must be what life was like in the old timey days. I should be reading or painting the walls or writing a frigging book, or at the very least unpacking. But, I can’t seem to wrap my mind around anything for more than a moment. Everyone wants to know how the new house is and I say it’s great. And I say I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine. And I’m not fine. And, of course, I am essentially, because I actually believe that I will be eventually. But, for now, I cry a lot. [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, family & parenting by Van McO
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10. Prelude to a Hangover

9. Fumbling With A Bra Strap

8. The Popular Kids Are Just Better

7. Never Give Up Grope!

6. Not Even McDonald’s is Hiring

5. Almost Legal

4. This Limo Rental Cost More Than My Car

3. Getting Faced!

2. Abstinence Makes the Hard Grow Fonder

1. A Gulf Coast Sludgefest
 

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10. She goes off on a rant about “the great left-wing liberal socialist conspiracy.”

9. His speech begins, “Hello, I’m Glenn Beck…”

8. Her speech is 90 minutes of “Knock Knock” jokes.

7. He’s Obama, just not the Obama.

6. His claim to fame: he’s the surviving member of Milli Vanilli.

5. He advises the females in the auditorium to take Home Economics ’cause “nummers is hard!”

4. He’s a Goldman Sachs V.P. who claims he can triple your graduation gift money in three months.

3. First name: Kate. Last name: Gosselin.

2. After applying lipstick to the edges of his thumb and pointing finger, he lets the entire speech be delivered by Mr. Hand.

1. He’s wearing his cap, but forgot his gown.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. You answered every question on your History final with, “Hey, I wasn’t even alive then!”

9. You’ve been in the eighth grade since the Clinton Administration.

8. Your term paper in music class compared the vocal stylings of Lady Gaga and Alvin and the Chipmunks.

7. Because of new carpeting, you’ve worn all the hair off your knuckles.

6. The only word you learned in Spanish class was “No.”

5. When you tried to sell your textbooks, you were told you might want to hang onto them for a bit longer.

4. On your Geography final, you said the English Channel was the BBC.

3. That stuff you cooked up in Chemistry class attracted six busloads of DEA agents.

2. Your combined score on the SAT: 4.

1. Your teacher suggests you could use that ten bucks for better things than a cap and gown rental.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: advice, Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, education, ends & odd by Bob Sullivan
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About a month ago I posted a short piece about one of my all-time favorite comic books, The Gormandizer. Response to that was overwhelming; I was inundated by a deluge of people telling me that I should scan some more Gormandizer pages, because the few scans I did post were AWESOME.

I fully intended on scanning more Gormandizer. However, as I was going through all my old Bronze Age comics I discovered the following gem from the first issue of Senator Surprise. This story, “How a Spell Becomes a Law!” is eerily prescient, with its warning about the dangers of the United States Senate taking on financial reform, especially as it relates to demons from other dimensions. [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, ends & odd by Ricky Sprague
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10. The price of sardines should come down, with no need to pack them in oil

9. It makes Katrina seem less severe

8. The British Petroleum backlash should help U.S. gas stations

7. It provides a new topic for New Orleans blues singers

6. It’s good practice for the next oil spill

5. It’s a great sales opportunity for manufacturers of 4-story 100-ton steel-and-concrete domes

4. With all this cleanup practice, there might be a spillover effect on BP gas station restrooms

3. So far, FEMA isn’t involved

2. Free gas for people on the Gulf Coast

1. The oily bird catches the worm
 

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During the Bronze Age, a number of publishers attempted to mimic the mainstream success of “the big two,” Marvel and DC. The largest of these — companies like Charlton, Archie, Harvey, Whitman, and Atlas — were able only to make a small dent in the big two’s market share. But one company that popped up in the mid-1970s, Hues Corporation, didn’t necessarily need to grab a big share of the comics market.

That’s because Hues Corporation existed primarily as a way for the “publishers” to launder money made from illegal drug sales in Miami and New York.

Despite the fact that the company had little interest in creating quality comic books, they did manage, during their three-month publishing existence in 1974, to release some interesting and eccentric titles. There was SuperWulf, “The Werewolf with super powers!”; there were The Base Ballers, a professional baseball team that won every game they played, because, of course, they had super powers (which they used to fight crime): there was Senator Secret, a United States senator from New Orleans who had “the power of the Magick,” and managed to fight supernatural crime while still finding time to serve as the ranking minority member of the Senate sub-finance committee; there was The Ochinaut, a man who shrunk himself down to microscopic size and entered people’s bodies to fight “the crimes within us all”; and there was my personal favorite, the hero with “the stomach of steel,” The Gormandizer. [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, ends & odd by Ricky Sprague
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10. Instead of grass in your Easter basket, he uses poison ivy.

9. He claims he’s “as mad as a March hare” at you.

8. No Lindt. Just Hershey’s.

7. You wake up with the head of a baby chick under your blanket.

6. He’s always dissin’ your peeps.

5. He colors all your eggs using lead paint.

4. You get death threats signed simply “E.B.”

3. He hides twelve eggs and three land mines.

2. Instead of a basket, he uses a bedpan.

1. Those aren’t Raisinets.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Noel Sheppard wrote an interesting short piece for NewsBusters about the clever Mad magazine cover that has Alfred E. Neuman using a marker to add “ed” to his “I love Obama” t-shirt.

You can read the piece and check out the Mad magazine cover via the below link:

http://newsbusters.org/blogs/noel-sheppard/2010/03/24/shocking-mad-magazine-cover-i-loved-obama    

Tags: ends & odd by Paul Davis
Comments Off on Obama: what me worry about approval ratings? Mad magazine cover says it all

10. “No, that’s my shillelagh, but I’m still glad to see you!”

9. “But I love the taste of Bailey’s Irish Cream!”

8. “Every time I see you, somethin’ starts Dublin in size!”

7. “What’s this I hear about Meredith Baxter practicing her Gaelic?”

6. “Because of you, my Irish thighs are smiling!”

5. “I’ll show you who’s hung like a leprechaun!”

4. “They don’t call me Lord of the Pants for nothing! ”

3. “You’ve made my sham rock hard!”

2. “It’s those two Irish smoothboys: Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick!”

1. “Oooooooooooooooooo! Danny Boy!”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd, race & culture by Bob Sullivan
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I love the Florida Keys. I love the laid-back, tropical, “Margaritaville” lifestyle of the local characters.

But one laid-back inhabitant should not be behind the wheel of a moving car.

[Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd by Paul Davis
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I’ve been a Facebook believer for well over a year now. Although some have logged off permanently, I couldn’t be prouder of my obsession. This social networking site has given me the chance to communicate with people that I haven’t seen in a long time. One would argue that there’s a reason why we lose touch with people, or that our three hundred Facebook friends are fake friendships. But frankly, I need all the friends I can get, if they are real friends or merely Facebook friends. [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, technology by Nancy DeGregorio
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“To Texas . . .
Joyous and sparkling,
Evergreen when it rains, enduring in drought,
Timeless, endless in boundaries, exciting,
Home to the adventurous of yesterday and today,
With shrines from the past, and space
and spirit for the future.
To Texas …
Everlasting in the hearts of your people!”

It was about fifteen years ago when, as editor of the Fort Stockton Pioneer (a Thursday morning weekly serving a West Texas community of about 10,000), I was handed a letter from one of our readers, for publication in the next issue … a letter admonishing our paper for not devoting adequate space to Texas Independence Day. She may have been DRT (I honestly don’t remember for certain), but she was certainly something of a Lone Star zealot … a perception of mine that was reinforced by her comment as she handed me the letter …

[Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd by Jeff McDonald
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Valentine’s Day has recently passed, leaving many to look forward to next year’s bouquet of flowers, heart-splattered teddy bears and cardboard boxes full of calories. Good for you, I’m glad Hallmark/Walmart/the entire advertising industry has your continued attention, affections, and disposable income.  I, however, am left to ponder deeper, more meaningful issues. Like Phil Collins. [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, music by Sarah Ameigh
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Recently my part of the world experienced something rare — two blizzards within a week that added up to a lot of damn snow. Lest I get mocked by those living in Minnesota or upstate New York, understand this: I live in the city, where a lot of people share a small amount of coveted space. We normally have a fair amount of tolerance for one another, having learned to peacefully coexist and respect the unwritten rules of the neighborhood. Following the snow, however, all social conventions got lost in a snowdrift. The first blizzard brought out the ugly side, and the second blizzard invoked a new level of lunacy among my neighbors. I started to ask myself “Just who are these people in my neighborhood? And do I really want to meet them each day?” [Read more →]

Tags: diatribes, ends & odd by Nancy DeGregorio
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10. “Honey, tonight dinner’s on me! I have a coupon!”

9. “When I said I hoped you’d give me something special, I didn’t mean Swine Flu.”

8. “I’m so looking forward to spending the coming year with you, Mr. Madoff.”

7. “Table for one? Right this way, Sir!”

6. “We can have hanky, but I’m not quite ready for panky.”

5. “No, offense, but I think you should try out for ‘America’s Least Wanted’.”

4. “We patch leaking tires here; we don’t fix ‘girlfriends’.”

3. “Bad news, Dear: Tonight, in bed, Jay Leno is taking over your old time slot.”

2. “So this year, Valentine’s Day is on the fourteenth?!”

1. “Hi! This is Tiger. Happy Valentine’s Day to my one and only! I love you – ummmm…Who did I call again?”

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10. It’s so cold, people are hugging Ted Williams’s head just to keep warm

9. It’s so cold, aquariums no longer really need the glass

8. It’s so cold, flashers are running up to women in Central Park and just describing themselves

7. It’s so cold, it would be colder than Glenn Beck’s heart — if he had one

6. It’s so cold, the Statue of Liberty decided to hold her torch under her robe

5. It’s so cold, Rod Blagojevich was spotted with his hands in his own pockets

4. It’s so cold, all Sarah Palin could see from Alaska was more snow

3. It’s so cold, people are hanging around the set of The View just for the artificial warmth

2. It’s so cold, a temperature was actually recorded that was colder than the shoulder Tiger Woods’s wife is giving him

1. It’s so cold, Al Gore came out in favor of global warming
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd, environment & nature by Bob Sullivan
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Years are full of memories. Memories are full of people. People are full of shit. Shit is heralded by farts: some clear and crisp, others murky and wet. Yeah, everyone farts, but not like this. [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd by Steve Mazzeo
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A bleak post about Tuesday, that most persistent and terrible of all days:

So, Tuesday, we meet again. Tuesday and I have met often and no good has ever come of it.

I am beyond Tuesday’s power, for I haven’t had steady work since last March, when I finally left minimum wage office jobs for the paradise that is TEFL (Teaching English to Johnny Foreigner). The paradise consists largely of being fired, getting a new job, then finding there’s almost no work so one may as well be unemployed; then, inevitably, borrowing yet more money from friends and relatives, and finally dying in a snow drift in the north of Germany; and then being eaten by wolves and crows. [Read more →]

Tags: all work, ends & odd by Walter Aske
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