Entries Tagged as 'family & parenting'

family & parentinggoing parental

Going parental: For the love of a child has no measure

I apologize for my absence these past couple of weeks. I vow here and now to be present and accounted for every Thursday, from this day forth. No more random, unexplained disappearances. I’ve experienced too many of those this week, and so in my own small way I’ve decided to show up. Every Thursday, as previously promised, I will be here. I will show up.

I want so badly to be able to bitch and moan about some mindless act of parenting that makes me mental and irate in order to garner laughter and prove my innate ability to turn everything into a joke. But I am struggling in a way that is unfamiliar to me. [Read more →]

family & parentingmovies

The girls are alright

Has anybody else gotten the memo going around? The one reminding us to dump buckets of ridicule and disdain on pre-teen girls?

Because, they’re getting kind of big for their britches, you know. Every few years they join forces to bring about these huge cultural phenomena, like Twilight, and before that Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers and Hello Kitty and friendship bracelets and the Disney Channel and Titanic and those one-hit wonders, the Beatles. So, accordingly, they should be universally crushed and stomped, because — as everyone knows — if tweeners like it (read girl tweeners), it must be lame and contemptible. [Read more →]

family & parentinghis & hers

Holiday shopping: Boys and kitchen sets?

Black Friday officially commences the beginning of the holiday season. In other words, I have to get my ass in gear and start buying presents. Buying gifts for my relatives is no small feat. Almost every holiday that I spend with my in-laws, someone inevitably starts an argument about the quality and thoughtfulness of a gift. I really love my in-laws, but squabbling over presents on Christmas doesn’t exactly put one in the holiday spirit. [Read more →]

family & parentinggoing parental

Going Parental: Sensory Overload

I recently wrote a post about my three-year-old daughter and her new found love of torturing me. She’s a smart, sassy little girl with an attitude that, at times, stops me in my tracks. It’s hard to fault her for something she most likely inherited from me. Plus, she’s ridiculously funny — like she gets-the-joke kind of funny. But lately, the cute and funny part of her is taking a backseat to a whining, screaming child — and the cause of these outbursts? Getting dressed. [Read more →]

family & parentinggoing parental

Going Parental: “But Mom, Barbie has a tattoo!”

Indeed she does. Ladies and Gentleman, allow me to present Totally Stylin Tattoo Barbie! Thanks Mattel. My three-year-old definitely needs this toy. It’s an awesome idea  — giving her ways to express herself creatively via mock-mutilating herself and Barbie? Genius. [Read more →]

family & parentinggoing parental

Going Parental: My three-year-old is kicking my ass

The reality show Survivor has a great little tag line, “Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.” The person who is able to accomplish all three of these things at the end of the show wins a million dollars. Pretty awesome, right? My three-year-old daughter would kick ass in that game. They’d never see her coming. I imagine it would go a little something like this:

“Ohhh look at that gorgeous little girl with the blond hair and big eyes. What a sweet smile you have. Aren’t you just the cutest little thing?! Hey wait a minute, how the hell did I end up on the floor — hogtied, with you standing on my back pumping your fists in victory? What just happened?!”

I’ll tell ya how. She just outwitted, outplayed and outlasted your ass. Welcome to my world. [Read more →]

family & parentingsports

Halloween costumes in enemy territory

I love Halloween. In fact, I think I may have more fun getting dressed up than my kids. And since Halloween is on a Saturday this year we’ve decided to head down from New York to the suburbs of Philadelphia, so my kids can trick-or-treat with their 7-year-old cousin. My daughter is going as a rock star, my son is going as a T-Rex, my nephew is going as a ninja, and I thought I would go as a New York Yankee. [Read more →]

ends & oddfamily & parenting

Boy floats away in balloon and he isn’t there when it lands

I don’t know why the Heene family had a balloon large enough to float people high up in the air tied to their house. I guess there are people who actually own hot air balloons. Who knew? I always just assumed you went to big fields and rented a ride when proposing to a girlfriend or something. But when a kid possibly floats away, maybe it’s time to reevaluate a balloon’s usefulness around the house!  [Read more →]

family & parentinggoing parental

Going Parental: TV = Fat Kids (so says Australia)

I’m not going to sit here and reiterate the blog I wrote back in July about kids watching TV, specifically Noggin, which for the record is no longer Noggin. Now it’s Nick Jr., for real. What the hell? They can just drop the name of a network overnight? A little warning would have been nice. I nearly had a panic attack searching for Noggin on September 28, 2009 — a Monday, no less. Like I don’t have enough problems on Monday morning, now I had to deal with this shit? Not a very nice way to start the week. [Read more →]

family & parentinghealth & medical

Get some sun America!

At least 60% of Americans have a Vitamin D deficiency. As we avoid the sun more and more for fear of developing skin cancer, we may be creating an even bigger problem. Vitamin D is absolutely essential for our bodies and 15-45 minutes of direct sunlight each day is the best way to get it (the darker your skin, the more time you will need in the sun).

When an adult does not get enough D they can experience the following: aches and pains, lowered immunity to disease, bone softening, increased rates of cancer (especially breast, prostate, and colon cancers), heart disease, diabetes, Parkinson’s disease, and high blood pressure. Men, age 40-70, with low levels of Vitamin D have a significantly higher risk of heart attack than men of the same age group with normal D levels.

[Read more →]

family & parentinghealth & medical

Fund healthcare by targeting the infirm and elderly!

The latest iteration of the proposed healthcare bill, the one being championed by Montana Senator Seiman Baucus (recipient of over $4 million in healthcare lobbyists’ money), ignores the President’s promise that he would not levy taxes on those who were not rich. It also ignores the promise the President made to negotiate the healthcare changes on C-Span but since he ignored the promise to make his campaign financing transparent, we really didn’t expect him to keep his word.

Part of the Baucus plan is to create new taxes for medical devices based on the three categories created by the FDA. The categories break down medical devices into those that present minimal potential for harm to the user (Class I), those for which general controls alone are insufficient to assure safety and effectiveness (Class II) and devices where insufficient information exists to assure safety and effectiveness solely through the general or special controls (Class III). [Read more →]

family & parentinggoing parental

Going parental: The Power of One

My girlfriend (partner, wife, etc.) and I have been together for seven years. We have a three-year-old daughter that was conceived using an anonymous donor through a cryobank. She is a happy, well adjusted kid who attends pre-school on a daily basis. The children in her class happen to be absolute sweethearts and we have been very lucky thus far with the reaction we received from her teachers and the parents of her classmates when they found out we were a two-mom house. Not a single person seemed phased. Living in NY affords us that luxury. I mean, it’s New York. We’ve got Broadway and Chelsea — two of the gayest places on the planet. [Read more →]

family & parentinghealth & medical

Making sense of vaccines and autism

Certain words in the English language make me cringe. There is one in particular that I have never liked, even before I had a child. Now that I have one, I really don’t want to hear this word. It’s not the “F” word. It’s the fucking “A” word. Autism. [Read more →]

family & parentinggoing parental

Going Parental: Woman returns adopted child because they didn’t bond (seriously)

This is for real. This actually happened. A woman adopted a little boy, and then terminated the adoption after 18 months, claiming she couldn’t bond with the child. Seriously? That’s even allowed? [Read more →]

advicefamily & parenting

OMG u cnt bleev w@ ms. Jones jst z 2 me!*

Dear Ruby,
My 12 year old daughter is back in school and this girl (let’s call her Becky) who she’s been hanging around with all summer is now completely blowing her off!
I feel so bad for my daughter and I’m really angry at Becky, who I’ve been driving to parties and feeding meals to all summer, basically treating her like a member of the family.

Would it be out of line to say something to her when I see her at school? I volunteer once a week or so and I feel very awkward and like I want to call her out on her snotty behavior. She’s always polite to me.

Mom on Warpath

[Read more →]

family & parentingtelevision

Enough with family secrets

I watch a lot of talk shows, including the Oprah Winfrey Show. Oprah covers a lot of ground on her show: health with Dr. Oz, finances with Suze Orman, fitness with Bob Greene, interior decorating with Nate Berkus. She’s even covered those unusual topics like “compulsive hoarding”. I thought the hoarding shows were kind of unsettling. Yesterday, however, the Oprah show reached a new level of disturbing. [Read more →]

family & parentinggoing parental

Going Parental: Bathtime photos land parents in jail

I’ve been taking photos of my daughter non-stop since the moment she was born. I have always loved photography and I happen to have a pretty cute kid that loves the camera.  Her first bath is on video, as well as captured by still photographs. Who knew that what I was doing could have led to her being taken away from me? [Read more →]

family & parentinggoing parental

Going parental: Spanking leads to assault charges (no, they’re not against me)

This is the second time I’ve read about a stranger hitting someone else’s kid in less than two weeks. What is going on? Maybe too many people are reading my blogs and taking them too seriously. I’m only kidding (sort of) when I say I’ll slap your kids around if you wont parent them or if they hurt my kid.  Apparently Gloria Ballard thought it was fine to spank another woman’s son after the two-year-old baby boy said something that annoyed her.

Is this bitch for real? Lady, you’re lucky this went down in Cincinnati, because if that were my kid, your ass would be in the hospital, not jail. [Read more →]

Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingfamily & parenting

Top ten signs your kid hated summer camp

10. The camp motto was: Parents must pay up front.

9. His archery instructor’s hero was William Tell.

8. “Movie Night” consisted of slides of the owner’s vacation in Detroit.

7. The cook’s dishes all began with the word ‘Blackened’ — and he isn’t Cajun.

6. Lacking proper wood, during Arts & Crafts the kids were encouraged to whittle on each other.

5. For some reason, instead of campfire songs, the only songs the counselors knew were show tunes.

4. He sent you a note that he was making a break for it, and to meet him at the north gate at midnight.

3. His cabin mate’s favorite pastime: Tying him to the bedpost and covering him with honey.

2. Inspired by Slumdog Millionaire, every other night the counselors drove the kids into town and made them beg for money.

1. Recreational activities included waterboarding.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

family & parentingon the law

Stranger slaps toddler in Georgia Walmart

Let me set the scene… you are in Walmart and your 2-year-old is tired and crying but you are trying to squeeze in a last minute shop. A guy in your aisle tells you that “if you don’t shut the baby up, I will shut her up for you.” You ignore him because although he may be an ass you don’t expect him to actually do anything. Then, when your little girl continues to cry into the next aisle, this strange man grabs your baby and slaps her across the face four or five times. That’s what 61-year-old Roger Stephens did in a Georgia Walmart. [Read more →]

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