Top ten answers to the question, “How cold is it?”

Top ten answers to the question, “How cold is it?”

Posted on January 31st, 2011 by Bob Sullivan

10. It’s so cold, Lady Gaga’s charbroiling her meat dress before putting it on

9. It’s so cold, opticians at LensCrafters are giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of glasses

8. It’s so cold, TSA agents are required to put on mittens before fondling you

7. It’s so cold, the Statue of Liberty decided to hold her torch under her robe

6. It’s so cold, Miley Cyrus is lighting her bong just for the warmth

5. It’s so cold, Charlie Rangel was spotted with his hands in his own pockets

4. It’s so cold, yesterday I chipped a tooth on my Cup-a-Soup

3. It’s so cold, Al Gore recently came out in favor of global warming

2. It’s so cold, Glenn Beck has requested he be sent to Hell earlier than scheduled

1. It’s so cold, Brett Favre is just describing his junk to women

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.