10. “I discover your continent, and the only honor I get is a lousy sale at Sears?”

9. “If I knew it was gonna lead to Jersey Shore, I think I woulda stayed in Spain.”

8. “I’m 560 years old; I should be gettin’ all kinds of discounts!”

7. “What’s Joan Collins doing these days?”

6. “I see where cloth has become so rare, some of your celebrities have resorted to wearing meat!”

5. “We had a ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy on the Santa Maria, as well.”

4. “I’d be hard pressed to say which was the greater discovery: America, or the Snuggie.”

3. “How would I get to the city called ‘Me, Ohio’?”

2. “Why is the bottom of my boat covered with oil?”

1. “I can’t believe my old pal Larry King is finally going off the air.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

Latest posts by Bob Sullivan (Posts)

• Top ten reasons this will be my last Top Ten List - April 30, 2018
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• Top ten more alcohol one-liners - April 16, 2018
• Top ten more dog one-liners - April 9, 2018
• Top ten revelations in the Stormy Daniels 60 Minutes interview - April 2, 2018

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