10. You mentally divide your summer into two parts: pre and post firecracker incident

9. You have gills and you live in the Gulf

8. The only action you got at the beach all summer was when a horsefly flew into your trunks

7. First name “Tony.” Last name “Hayward”

6. Most of the phone calls you received all summer long were from Mel Gibson

5. The only summer job you could find was as a suntan lotion applier for the cast of Jersey Shore

4. You have no idea who Pedro is, but you woke up with his name tattooed on your back

3. The closest you got to a summer fling was kissing Grandma at the Labor Day barbecue

2. What everyone else thinks is a sunburn is actually a rash

1. The highlight of your summer: Reading this top ten list

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

Latest posts by Bob Sullivan (Posts)

• Top ten reasons this will be my last Top Ten List - April 30, 2018
• Top ten more syntax one-liners - April 23, 2018
• Top ten more alcohol one-liners - April 16, 2018
• Top ten more dog one-liners - April 9, 2018
• Top ten revelations in the Stormy Daniels 60 Minutes interview - April 2, 2018

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