Top ten more death one-liners

Top ten more death one-liners

Posted on February 26th, 2018 by Bob Sullivan

10. Wow, you dress like the Grim Reaper one time and they never let you back into the nursing home!

9. My uncle was so stubborn, when he died he left a won’t.

8. I’ll tell you what makes my blood boil: crematoriums.

7. I used to hate it when my old aunts came up to me after weddings and said, “You’re next,” so I started saying it to them after funerals.

6. On my tombstone I want it to say, “Failed to forward chain letter to five friends.”

5. When a mime passes away, do his fellow mimes observe a moment of talking?

4. When I die, I’d like the word “humble” to be written on my statue.

3. My friend Dave drowned, and for the funeral we got him a wreath shaped like a life preserver, because it’s what he would have wanted.

2. For three days after death, hair and toenails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

1. The easiest job in the world has to be coroner—surgery on dead people—because, even if everything went totally wrong, the worst that could happen is you’d get a pulse!

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.