Top ten signs you’ve chosen a bad college

Top ten signs you’ve chosen a bad college

Posted on September 7th, 2015 by Bob Sullivan

10. Its Latin motto is actually written in Pig Latin

9. They ask you to pay your entire tuition “in cash, up front, in small bills”

8. In the Jeopardy College Championship, your college had its ass handed to it by Hamburger U

7. Your grade is based on how much you tip your professor

6. There’s only one ‘L’ in ‘COLEGE’

5. When you asked if the school was well endowed, the school president pulled down his zipper

4. The photo on the cover of the college catalogue is of Donald Trump

3. All the books in the library are written by L. Ron Hubbard

2. The only place it advertises is Craigslist

1. The valedictorian is a monkey that knows sign language

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.