Top ten signs Santa is mad at you

Top ten signs Santa is mad at you

Posted on December 21st, 2009 by Bob Sullivan

10. Instead of being on the ‘Naughty’ or ‘Nice’ list, you’re on his list of ‘Jerk Faces’

9. He smears milk and cookies all over your drapes

8. Your biggest gift is Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue

7. He had all the reindeer leave you little gifts on the roof

6. Instead of just coals in your stocking, he puts in hot coals

5. He leaves you a note that says, “You better watch out! You better not cry! And you better not let me catch you alone, you bastard!”

4. You’re being stalked by killer elves

3. Instead of toys, he leaves you a bagful of ashes and soot

2. As he drives out of sight, instead of exclaiming, “Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!” he yells “Bite me!”

1. Rather than visiting a gas station restroom, he just sits on your chimney

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.