Top ten complaints St. Patrick had when he came back on his day
10. Every St. Patrick’s Day, when they dye the Chicago River green, it just looks like pond scum
9. People always making fun of the size of his shillelagh
8. On his day, number of people fraudulently claiming Irishness just to get a kiss
7. Compared to Saint Nicholas’s helpful elves, St. Patrick’s leprechauns are nothing but a bunch of drunken troublemakers
6. After you’ve heard “Top o’ the mornin’ to ya” a few million times, you’d kill for a simple “Hello”
5. Only saint whose name is associated with massive hangovers
4. When St. Patrick’s Day revelers get sick on green beer, they look like Linda Blair
3. The way Trump can’t open his mouth without a big lie falling out
2. Hasn’t had his Blarney Stone kissed in years
1. Snake bites
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