Top ten driving one-liners

Top ten driving one-liners

Posted on December 4th, 2017 by Bob Sullivan

10. Regular naps prevent aging, especially if you take them while driving.

9. My car’s such a piece of crap that its resale value goes up or down, depending on how much gas is in it.

8. I consider the word ‘Dodge’ on the front of my truck to be fair warning to jaywalkers.

7. Have you ever noticed anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anybody driving faster than you is a maniac.

6. I just got into a car accident while reading a sign telling me to keep my eyes on the road.

5. My new house has a circular driveway, and I can’t get out.

4. Apparently, everyone in my town thinks the saying is, “Don’t think and drive.”

3. Honking endlessly isn’t going to make me drive any faster – stupid geese!

2. I just bought a crappy secondhand car and the only gear that works is ‘Reverse’ – but I’m happy, as long as it gets me from B to A.

1. If you try braking, it will give your driving a bit more 00mph!

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.