Top ten signs you have a bad commencement speaker
Posted on May 23rd, 2016 by Bob Sullivan
10. He advises the females in the auditorium to take Home Economics ’cause “nummers is hard!”
9. His claim to fame: he’s the surviving member of Milli Vanilli
8. Her speech is 90 minutes of “Knock Knock” jokes
7. He’s a Goldman Sachs V.P. who claims he can triple your graduation gift money in three months
6. She goes off on a rant about “the great left-wing liberal socialist conspiracy”
5. After applying lipstick to the edges of his thumb and index finger, he lets the entire speech be delivered by ‘Mr. Hand’
4. He’s Obama, just not the Obama
3. He once gave a four-hour TED talk, about Ted Danson
2. He’s wearing his cap, but forgot his gown
1. First name ‘Donald’, last name ‘Trump’
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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