Top ten things you don’t want to hear on Mother’s Day

Top ten things you don’t want to hear on Mother’s Day

Posted on May 2nd, 2016 by Bob Sullivan

10. “Today is Mother’s Day?!”

9. “What do you mean, ‘What is it?’ – It’s a nose hair trimmer!”

8. “Uncle Dad knows about us!”

7. “I’m taking you out to dinner, but we have to hurry; this coupon is only good until six.”

6. “Great news! We’re placing you in a home!”

5. “Here are all the ingredients for a great Mother’s Day dinner. All you have to do is cook it!”

4. “‘Love’ is too strong a word, but I certainly don’t loathe you!”

3. “Of course these flowers aren’t stolen from a funeral home. That banner just means, when you go to bed tonight, I hope you rest peacefully.”

2. “Here’s your gift, Mom: it’s a DVD of Oedipus Rex –- you sexy thing you!”

1. “I don’t know how to break this to you. You think you’re my birth mother, but I was actually adopted.”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.