St. Patrick’s top ten complaints

St. Patrick’s top ten complaints

Posted on March 14th, 2016 by Bob Sullivan

10. Every St. Patrick’s Day, when they dye the Chicago River green, it just looks like pond scum

9. People always making fun of the size of his shillelagh

8. Still awaiting remake of Darby O’Gill and the Little People

7. On his day, number of people fraudulently claiming Irishness just to get a kiss

6. Compared to Saint Nicholas’s helpful elves, St. Patrick’s leprechauns are nothing but a bunch of drunken troublemakers

5. After you’ve heard “Top o’ the mornin’ to ya” a few million times, you’d kill for a simple “Hello”

4. Only saint whose name is associated with massive hangovers

3. When St. Patrick’s Day revelers get sick on green beer, they look like Linda Blair

2. Hasn’t had his Blarney Stone kissed in years

1. Snake bites

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.