10. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

9. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute.

8. I may be a schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.

7. “I’m having trouble finding myself,” Waldo said to his psychiatrist.

6. My uncle found a new cure for Tourette’s. He swears by it.

5. I was just hugged and then mauled by a bipolar bear.

4. The hardest part about going to Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting you don’t have a problem.

3. I’m not crazy, I’m a lover. That’s why I’m in a jacket that lets me hug myself.

2. Insanity means never having to say, “I’m guilty.”

1. I try not to limit my madness to March.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

Latest posts by Bob Sullivan (Posts)

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• Top ten revelations in the Stormy Daniels 60 Minutes interview - April 2, 2018

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