

Top ten answers to the question “How hot is it?”
10. “It’s so hot, Paris Hilton is sleeping with both Ben and Jerry.”
9. “It’s so hot, Dick Cheney was caught waterboarding himself.”
8. “It’s so hot, the supermarket aisle where the unpopped popcorn is kept is blocked by an avalanche of popped popcorn.”
7. “It’s so hot, a Republican actually broke down and admitted Global Warming is real.”
6. “It’s so hot, you recently agreed to become Mrs. Softee.”
5. “It’s so hot, in Colorado, Washington, Alaska and Oregon, joints are lighting themselves.”
4. “It’s so hot, Vladimir Putin has been stockpiling Slurpees.”
3. “It’s so hot, Chris Christie is drawing huge crowds, just for the shade.”
2. “It’s so hot, Pee-wee Herman is wearing his bowtie, and nothing else.”
1. “It’s so hot, I ran into a burning building, just to cool off.”
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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