Top ten signs you need an exorcist

Top ten signs you need an exorcist

Posted on April 27th, 2015 by Bob Sullivan

10. You notice a bunch of sixes on your scalp

9. You suddenly start speaking unintelligibly, and you don’t work for Fox News

8. Your blood type came back as “Fire and Brimstone”

7. Every time you walk into a room, Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Bells starts playing

6. You’re producing more pea soup than Campbells

5. You’re Chris Christie (Sorry, that’s a sign you need exercise)

4. You recoil and hiss every time you see a hot cross bun

3. You’re one of the Koch Brothers

2. Your head has been spinning around so much, you’ve worn out twelve collars

1. No matter how you prepare your eggs, they always come out deviled

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.