Top ten worst things to hear on a blind date
10. “Ignore my mom, she comes everywhere with me.”
9. “Would you mind if I put my cellphone on the table? I’m expecting a call from my parole officer.”
8. “Listen, at least you know a stalker is always there for ya.”
7. “You looked so much prettier in your profile pic.”
6. (leaning forward and taking your hand) “Marry me! Please! I’m desperate!”
5. “But, why can’t I use this dollar-off-dinner coupon in combination with my two-for-one coupon?”
4. “Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”
3. “Yes, I’m that Bill Cosby and, no, there’s nothing in your drink.”
2. “Pardon my cough; I think it’s just something I picked up hiking through Liberia.”
1. “Quit looking at the bottoms of your shoes. That’s just how I smell.”
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
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