Top ten reasons Charlie Manson’s wedding was called off
10. Bride-to-be Afton Elaine “Star” Burton refused to get a matching swastika tattoo on her forehead
9. All the voices in Charlie’s head kept screaming at him to call it off
8. The chapel organist didn’t know how to play “Helter Skelter”
7. Manson finally realized, “This bitch must be insane!”
6. Nobody was offering Star the opportunity to be in her own ‘non-reality show’
5. Corcoran State Prison officials wouldn’t let Manson invite his family
4. Star decided to postpone the wedding until after the apocalyptic race war leading to Manson’s being chosen Emperor of the World
3. Charlie ate the best man
2. Star realized she was confused – what she really meant to do was marry John Wayne Gacy
1. She finally looked Manson up on Wikipedia
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