Top ten signs you’re not going to win an Academy Award next Sunday
Posted on February 16th, 2015 by Bob Sullivan
10. It’s the world’s first pro-Catholic pornographic musical
9. The best acting you did all year was telling your wife that her new dress didn’t make her look fat
8. Your film was called Left Behind – and it should have been
7. It’s the sequel to The Love Guru
6. On the red carpet, instead of asking you who you’re wearing, they ask you why you showed up
5. The opening and closing credits actually meet in the middle
4. In your Biblical epic, the product placement for the iPhone 6 was too distracting
3. You’re Mitt Romney, and therefore can’t win anything
2. The jury at Cannes found you “Guilty as charged”
1. You’re a Black actor or director
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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