Top ten signs you’re not going to win an Academy Award next Sunday
10. It’s the world’s first pro-Catholic pornographic musical
9. The best acting you did all year was telling your wife that her new dress didn’t make her look fat
8. Your film was called Left Behind – and it should have been
7. It’s the sequel to The Love Guru
6. On the red carpet, instead of asking you who you’re wearing, they ask you why you showed up
5. The opening and closing credits actually meet in the middle
4. In your Biblical epic, the product placement for the iPhone 6 was too distracting
3. You’re Mitt Romney, and therefore can’t win anything
2. The jury at Cannes found you “Guilty as charged”
1. You’re a Black actor or director
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
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