Top ten answers to the question, “How cold is it?”
10. It’s so cold, this morning, the early bird catching the worm had gloves on.
9. It’s so cold, the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
8. It’s so cold, hitchhikers are holding up pictures of thumbs.
7. It’s so cold, cab drivers are flipping people off with their mittens.
6. It’s so cold, people were contracting Ebola just for the fever.
5. It’s so cold, I chipped a tooth on some broth.
4. It’s so cold, if I had a stick up my butt, it’d be a popsicle.
3. It’s so cold, my aunt slipped on some ice and accidently keyed someone’s Mercedes…with her nipple!
2. It’s so cold, the Blue Man Group turned Caucasian-colored!
1. It’s so cold, Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick.
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
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