Top ten excuses of 26-year-old Doug Adams, who was accused of masturbating on a flight from Boston to Los Angeles
10. He was flying on Virgin Airlines, and he was one
9. The in-flight chicken was finger-lickin’ good, and one thing led to another
8. He was flying first class, and everybody knows they’re a bunch of wankers
7. His entertainment system wasn’t working, so he had to provide his own
6. His date for the Mile High Club missed the plane
5. Different strokes for different folks
4. None of the flight attendants was providing service, so he decided to take matters into his own hands
3. He couldn’t get the song California Here I Come out of his head
2. He was afraid of flying, and just wanted to get off
1. He misunderstood the pilot’s instructions about “an upright and locked position”
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