Top ten things you don’t want to hear at Thursday’s Fourth of July barbecue

Top ten things you don’t want to hear at Thursday’s Fourth of July barbecue

Posted on July 1st, 2013 by Bob Sullivan

10. “Nobody told me this BBQ was BYO!”

9. “No dessert today; Twinkies won’t be back on the shelf until the fifteenth.”

7. “Who drank all the lighter fluid?”

6. “That’s not mayonnaise; you’re standing under a tree.”

5. “Why does my hot dog have an engagement ring on it?”

4. “I think Gramps lost his hearing aid in the coleslaw again.”

3. “Hope you like tofu burgers!”

2. “Let me tell you all about Joseph Smith and his amazing revelations.”

1. “I knew it was a bad idea to leave the fireworks in the trunk on a day this hot!”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.