10. “For some reason, we never received our pregame ‘care package’ from Lance Armstrong.”

9. “We’re confused. Since when is it not best out of seven?”

8. “Too much pre-game gumbo.”

7. “After halftime, instead of the game, all we could talk about was whether or not Beyoncé was lip-synching.”

6. “We used to get all our carbs from Twinkies.”

5. “Nobody warned us that the Ravens would keep pushing and shoving us like that.”

4. “It’s hard to concentrate when you’re worried about the debt ceiling.”

3. “In the second half, we were all still grossed out by that hot chick making out with that pudgy nerd.”

2. “Our quarterback just got dumped by his imaginary girlfriend.”

1. “We kept getting our plays from the wrong Harbaugh brother.” 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

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