Top ten things you don’t want to hear on Thanksgiving
10. “Try it! It tastes as good as the real thing but it’s much healthier!”
9. “It always takes me a full year to forget how much I loathe each and every one of you.”
8. “How’d I get the turkey so golden brown? Don’t tell anybody, but my little secret weapon is shellac.”
7. “This year I couldn’t afford mince or pumpkin pie, so I went with moon.”
6. “You’re right, it’s not the best looking turkey. So what part do you want, bone or gristle?”
5. “What am I thankful for? That nobody’s discovered the body yet.”
4. “When I made the turducken, I got the duck and the chicken right, but I misunderstood the turd part.”
3. “Run for your lives! Runaway electric carving knife!”
2. “The cable’s screwed up. All we can get is the Oprah Network.”
1. “9-1-1? How do you get someone out of a tryptophan-induced coma?”
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
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