Top ten signs your kids hate you
10. Their affectionate name for you is ‘Meal Ticket’
9. Instead of jumping on the bed to wake you, they use IEDs
8. Before every barbecue, they fill the grill to the brim with lighter fluid
7. They gave you a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug, but they crossed out ‘Greatest’ and wrote in ‘Dumbest’
6. They bought Mom The Big Book of Divorce Attorneys
5. On Father–Son Day at their school, they brought in a street wino
4. They keep claiming that the circular saw they bought you is “shower safe”
3. They’re always asking Mom, “What were you thinking?!”
2. Last Father’s Day, they gave you a Do-It-Yourself Vasectomy Kit
1. They replaced all your Lipitor with Tic Tacs
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
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