Top ten indications that Arnold Schwarzenegger was the father of his maid’s son

Top ten indications that Arnold Schwarzenegger was the father of his maid’s son

Posted on July 18th, 2011 by Bob Sullivan

10. A love child from the future came back and tried to terminate the pregnancy

9. When the doctor delivered him, he slapped the doctor back

8. In the neonatal unit, he kept hitting on all the female babies

7. His mom had to buy baby food by the case

6. He always babbled in a thick Austrian accent

5. His mother always referred to her son as “my little ‘hasta la vista’ baby”

4. At three months, he was bench-pressing his crib

3. If you tried taking candy from this baby, you’d come back with a bloody stump

2. In his first-grade play, he couldn’t act to save himself

1. He was just offered a position as the new head of the International Monetary Fund

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.