Top ten surprises for Osama bin Laden when he got to Hell
Posted on May 9th, 2011 by Bob Sullivan
10. Instead of 72 virgins, he was greeted by 12 goats
9. Hell’s only movie theater is showing The Love Guru on a continuous loop
8. The constant whine of smoke alarms really gets on your nerves
7. The road there was actually paved with bad intentions
6. Evidently, none of the suicide bombers made it to Heaven
5. Hitler knows some great ethnic jokes
4. While it’s unbearably hot, there’s no humidity!
3. Hell TV airs nothing but reality shows 24–7
2. They’re expecting a cold snap if Sarah Palin gets elected President
1. It turns out “the Great Satan” isn’t the United States after all
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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