Top ten ways the airlines are saving money
Posted on August 30th, 2010 by Bob Sullivan
10. For in-flight meals, the main course is whatever birds fly into the engines.
9. Pay toilets and a five-drink minimum.
8. During cold and flu season, all afflicted passengers are entitled to one suck off the communal lozenge.
7. Standing room only.
6. In-flight entertainment consists of three gay flight attendants doing their version of Streetcar.
5. Salted peanuts: Free. Bottled water: $10 a bottle.
4. Oxygen mask compartments replaced with overpriced vending machine snacks.
3. All meals: BYOB.
2. Copilots considered “optional.”
1. Seatbelt rentals.
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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