Top ten ways to conserve water
Posted on August 16th, 2010 by Bob Sullivan
10. Order all your martinis “neat”.
9. Make your morning coffee using lawn dew.
8. Only flush on alternate Thursdays.
7. Wear disposable clothing.
6. Have your entire church group shower together.
5. In the fall, have your gardeners use an air blower instead of a hose to corral that last leaf.
4. Trade in your geraniums for cacti.
3. In the same way your toilet will use less water if you put a brick in your water tank, you yourself will drink less water if you put a brick in your bladder.
2. Fill your swimming pool with ethanol.
1. Brush your teeth with orange juice.
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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No. 11. Kick three-quarters of the people out of Arizona, which wasn’t meant to support one-tenth of the population it has.