Happy Independence Day to everyone.

For me this day normally consists of a nice cookout and fireworks with the kids (unless you live in a nanny state that says you can operate heavy machinery at 70 miles an hour but not light a Roman Candle). For the last several years (when I haven’t been deployed), Dave and I would go spend a ridiculous amount of money at South of the Border to get all the “good” fireworks. We would then have an amazing display in my backyard that the whole neighborhood would appreciate (at least I like to think that they appreciated it). I would make chicken wings and we would grill steaks and other animal parts. The kids would come over and love the fireworks. Eventually we would drink too much and start getting braver and braver (or dumber and dumber depending on how you look at it). Now my son just refers to the stupidity that I teach him on a regular basis. When I ask him what he’s talking about he simply says, “You taught me to shoot fireworks at people.” Oh. Yeah. That’s right. I did that.

Anyway, this year there will be no fireworks for me. But there is a cookout here and we just might get steaks cooked to order. When you’re deployed, that’s pretty significant.

But when I think about Independence Day, I think about red coats and guys with white wigs and Paul Revere on his horse and aliens blowing up the White House. I don’t think about how amazing our country is. How free we are, regardless of political rhetoric. I don’t think about the sacrifice so many have made to make our country truly alone sitting atop a hill (all those fighter pilots like Harry Connick, Jr. who died defending our skies). In fact, the whole world should celebrate this day. Think of all the good we have done for the world… like the iPhone 4 for example. Isn’t everyone better off for having us around? If only there was something that could bring us all together. Something that could unite all humans on the planet.

Aliens.

First contact. That’s what we need. Or maybe if AIDs became airborne or something like that. No. Aliens is the answer. We need aliens to visit us in plain view. This abduction crap just isn’t cutting it. We need full-on The Day the Earth Stood Still stuff. It wouldn’t matter if they came here in peace. We would react to their very existence with such hostility that IT would be on. And who would lead the way? Who would lead the attack (besides Will Smith)? That’s right. The good old US of A. Stars and stripes, baby. We would sucker punch them right in the face. And then date their girlfriend after. Because we’re the big boys on the block. We’re the ones in charge. It’s because of people like you and me, paying our taxes and buying our iPhone 4s, that enables us to fund everything else for the rest of the world. Where does the UN get all of its money? It’s not from Lichtenstein, I can tell you that. We make America great. So here’s to us all. Happy birthday, America! Suck on that, England.

And just once I would like to hear President Obama say:

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”

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Tags: ends & odd, movies // 4 Comments »