10. They gave you a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug, but they crossed out ‘Greatest’ and wrote in ‘Largest.’

9. They’ve sent several anonymous letters to the Arizona legislature concerning your immigration status.

8. They save the term ‘Daddy’ for the FedEx guy.

7. They bought you a toaster and claim it’s “shower safe.”

6. They bought you a recently caught Gulf Coast trout.

5. Their nickname for you is ‘The Sperm Donor’.

4. They tell everyone they’re adopted, and their real dad is a homeless alcoholic.

3. They bought their mother The Big Book of Divorce Attorneys.

2. They keep telling neighborhood gangs you have the ability to catch bullets with your bare hands.

1. For Father’s Day, they gave you a Do-It-Yourself Vasectomy Kit.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

• Author Bio
• Latest Posts

Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

Latest posts by Bob Sullivan (Posts)

• Top ten reasons this will be my last Top Ten List - April 30, 2018
• Top ten more syntax one-liners - April 23, 2018
• Top ten more alcohol one-liners - April 16, 2018
• Top ten more dog one-liners - April 9, 2018
• Top ten revelations in the Stormy Daniels 60 Minutes interview - April 2, 2018

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd, family & parenting // Add Comment »