Going parental: Don’t ask my kid if she’s excited for Santa
I wrote a blog last year that centered around growing up as a Jewish kid during Christmas and how to now handle my daughter during this time of year. You can read it here. I used to think it was pretty funny; I kept it light and to the point. But now I don’t think it’s that funny. I’ve been finding people’s assumption that saying “Merry Christmas” to everyone is totally normal and acceptable to be pretty fucking presumptuous and rude.
The irony is that I love Christmas time. I love the lights, the music, the festivities — all that stuff. I think it’s great. I have always been a fan. I’m not remotely anti-Christmas. My sister is married to a Catholic guy and I love celebrating the holiday with them. I think it’s important to expose my daughter to all religions and faith and I think it’s important for her to know and understand that her cousins celebrate both. I encourage her to experience all religions, spiritual beliefs and practices. I believe it is truly important to her development and sense of self. And as a result of all of her experiences, I know that she will grow up to be a smarter, more accepting and undoubtedly more well-adjusted child than most of yours. So there. Being a lonely Jew during Christmas is only making her stronger. The inevitable silver lining.
But it doesn’t mean I’m not bothered by the overwhelming presence of Christmas during this time of year. Unless you grew up as a Jewish kid during Christmas, I’m sorry — but I just don’t believe you can possibly understand what it feels like. In fact, I look forward to the comments on this one and plan on fully judging them based on your religion. Bring it.
I believe in my religion and no matter what path my daughter chooses to take, I will make sure she knows where she comes from and why it is important for her to at least acknowledge her roots. My Grandmother fought her whole life to make sure that message was passed on and I will make sure it is. Beyond that, the decision to believe and practice any religion will be my daughter’s own. I accept that. At least, I’d like to think that I do.
However, I don’t think it’s acceptable for strangers in supermarkets, malls and in my own building’s elevator, to ask my daughter if she’s excited for Santa to come and visit her. Are you really that one-dimensional? Do you really believe that EVERYONE celebrates Christmas? And the best part? You’re putting a 3-year-old — a smart 3-year-old — in an awkward position. And now she’s going to make you feel like a total douche when she tells you that she doesn’t celebrate Christmas. What’s your answer to her now, genius? The responses are always bumbling and inane and do nothing to make her feel better or have a greater understanding of why just about everyone assumes she celebrates Christmas.
She asked me the other day — after yet another random stranger in the supermarket asked her if she was excited for Santa to come — if she was the only little girl that celebrates Chanukah. It was a sad moment for me. She seemed so confused. I wanted to punch that stupid woman in the face. (This happened in New York, not in a small town in Utah or South Carolina. If practically everyone where you live is Christian, and you want your “Merry Christmas,” fine. But New York is home to the second largest Jewish population in the world.)
I told her, “Of course not! People are just too stupid and self-centered to realize that little girls may actually celebrate a holiday other than theirs. Even in New York. People are that dumb. Seriously. And yes, you have blonde hair, fair skin, a small nose and greenish eyes. You look like a little Shiksa.”
Obviously I didn’t quite word it that way, although I wanted to… she’s got plenty of time to go through life feeling different. Is it really necessary for her to start at the age of three?
I wish the next person who asks her about Santa a lot of fucking luck, because they have no idea what they’re in for. It’s one thing to wish me a “Merry Christmas.” I’m used to it. But don’t be so stupid as to assume that every child you see celebrates Christmas. You should know better by now.
Later that day she told me, and I quote, “I’m going to say ‘Happy Holidays’ to people so I don’t make them feel sad if they don’t celebrate Christmas or Chanukah. When people say ‘Merry Christmas’ it’s not nice because not everyone celebrates Christmas and Santa.”
Yeah. My three-year-old is smarter than probably 80% of this country. At least I know there is hope in our future. And yes, I’m totally boasting about my kid… and you know why? Because she’s proven to be smarter than just about everyone she has come into contact with in the last 48 hours.
Going Parental appears every Thursday. Idiots that upset my daughter appear far too often and much to my dismay, walk away without a limp.
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You went a little over-the-top on this one. Majority of Americans celebrate Christmas…. that’s just the way it is. You could move to Israel – and then I doubt you would have this problem at Christmas time. If you really want to get back at those damn Christians trying to wish merriment to your kid… tell her the truth about Santa. And then when an adult asks her if she is excited for Santa she can look them in the eye and tell them, “There is no Santa, stupid!” You may want to tell her not to tell the kids that though…. cause she doesn’t need to ruin it for everyone.
It is odd that so many people are wishing you a ‘Merry Christmas’. I make it a point to give others a generic ‘Happy Holidays’ unless I know specifically that they celebrate Christmas or I will ask if they celebrate Christmas before talking about it at all.
Aren’t most of these Christmas traditions really just pagan rituals anyway?
It must have sucked not celebrating Christmas as a child. There is no feeling more magnificent than waking up Christmas morning. It’s almost too bad that Christmas is a religious holiday… And I say that as a catholic. To me it’s never been about “jesus’ birthday”. There’s a magical feeling of hope and happiness that makes it all so special. Last night my 2 nephews, one catholic, one not, were staring out the window in wonder when we thought we heard “santas sleighbells”. It’s moments like that that makes the fuss of Christmas all worth it… and I wish it were celebrated by all. If you think of it that way, I see nothing wrong with celebrating Xmas and whatever else makes you and your family happy.
As yes I agree peole are incredibly insensitive and stupid.
“It must have sucked not celebrating Christmas as a child. ”
Seriously? What the hell is that? The only reason it sucked was having to deal with people thinking that you were in some way deprived because you didn’t celebrate Christmas. Otherwise, we had our own holiday that we thought was pretty cool.
Jaclyn – I enjoyed this column. This stuff drives me crazy. I like Amy’s suggestion to have your daughter tell people that Santa doesn’t exist when they say that stuff to her. Even better, have her tell them that she’s a Satanist, and they don’t believe in Santa Claus.
I’m sorry you dislike Christmas so much. I guess seeing other children having Christmas fun as children must have been a real bummer. But you have no right to tell others they must keep thier holidays silent and hidden in the confines of their homes. I have known Jewish people who who you would I guess lable as coming to the dark side to have a little Christmas fun while some would not. You should explain your beliefs to your child but not to be as rude and bitter as yourself as to want the world to bend to your rules. It is a Christian holiday where Christ is the true reason for the holiday and sharing a holiday is not a bad thing. When is the last time you tried to share your holidays outside your group?
Garvin, you must have skipped the part where I said I love Christmas. I love this time of year, the lights, the festivities, etc. I celebrate Christmas at my sister’s house every year – she is married to a Catholic guy I love, and her kids celebrate both holidays. I pop a santa hat on my daughter and we have a blast.
This post wasn’t about my dislike for Christmas, I don’t dislike Christmas. This post was about the fact that at least once, if not mutiple times a day, my daughter has been asked if she’s excited about Santa, if she’s told Santa what she wants and if he’s come to bring her all the toys the elves have made. It’s presumptuous and a sign of egocentric one-sided religious beliefs that I have no tolerance for.
We live in NY. People should have half a brain, at least enough sense, to know that not every child they come across celebrates Christmas. But again, you’re Christian so you can’t possibly understand where I’m coming from. You’re my case and point.You don’t see the real issue I’m disussing. You see a Jew who hates Christmas in this post. But you couldn’t be more wrong.
You skipped the point. The point was that my 3-year-old has gotten to the point where she finds it upsetting to constantly be asked about Santa, a figure that has no meaning in her life. It’s unfair to her. So yeah, I’m going to vent about it. Because that’s what I do. Welcome to Going Parental. Next time around, take the time to read the whole post and try to grasp the actual message being conveyed.
Good luck. Happy Kwanzaa.