Going parental: Don’t ask my kid if she’s excited for Santa

I wrote a blog last year that centered around growing up as a Jewish kid during Christmas and how to now handle my daughter during this time of year. You can read it here ^[1]. I used to think it was pretty funny; I kept it light and to the point. But now I don’t think it’s that funny. I’ve been finding people’s assumption that saying “Merry Christmas” to everyone is totally normal and acceptable to be pretty fucking presumptuous and rude.

The irony is that I love Christmas time. I love the lights, the music, the festivities — all that stuff. I think it’s great. I have always been a fan. I’m not remotely anti-Christmas. My sister is married to a Catholic guy and I love celebrating the holiday with them. I think it’s important to expose my daughter to all religions and faith and I think it’s important for her to know and understand that her cousins celebrate both. I encourage her to experience all religions, spiritual beliefs and practices. I believe it is truly important to her development and sense of self. And as a result of all of her experiences, I know that she will grow up to be a smarter, more accepting and undoubtedly more well-adjusted child than most of yours. So there. Being a lonely Jew during Christmas is only making her stronger. The inevitable silver lining.

But it doesn’t mean I’m not bothered by the overwhelming presence of Christmas during this time of year. Unless you grew up as a Jewish kid during Christmas, I’m sorry — but I just don’t believe you can possibly understand what it feels like. In fact, I look forward to the comments on this one and plan on fully judging them based on your religion. Bring it.

I believe in my religion and no matter what path my daughter chooses to take, I will make sure she knows where she comes from and why it is important for her to at least acknowledge her roots. My Grandmother fought her whole life to make sure that message was passed on and I will make sure it is. Beyond that, the decision to believe and practice any religion will be my daughter’s own. I accept that. At least, I’d like to think that I do.

However, I don’t think it’s acceptable for strangers in supermarkets, malls and in my own building’s elevator, to ask my daughter if she’s excited for Santa to come and visit her. Are you really that one-dimensional? Do you really believe that EVERYONE celebrates Christmas? And the best part? You’re putting a 3-year-old — a smart 3-year-old — in an awkward position. And now she’s going to make you feel like a total douche when she tells you that she doesn’t celebrate Christmas. What’s your answer to her now, genius? The responses are always bumbling and inane and do nothing to make her feel better or have a greater understanding of why just about everyone assumes she celebrates Christmas.

She asked me the other day — after yet another random stranger in the supermarket asked her if she was excited for Santa to come — if she was the only little girl that celebrates Chanukah. It was a sad moment for me.  She seemed so confused. I wanted to punch that stupid woman in the face. (This happened in New York, not in a small town in Utah or South Carolina. If practically everyone where you live is Christian, and you want your “Merry Christmas,” fine. But New York is home to the second largest Jewish population in the world ^[2].)

I told her, “Of course not! People are just too stupid and self-centered to realize that little girls may actually celebrate a holiday other than theirs. Even in New York. People are that dumb. Seriously. And yes, you have blonde hair, fair skin, a small nose and greenish eyes. You look like a little Shiksa ^[3].”

Obviously I didn’t quite word it that way, although I wanted to… she’s got plenty of time to go through life feeling different. Is it really necessary for her to start at the age of three?

I wish the next person who asks her about Santa a lot of fucking luck, because they have no idea what they’re in for. It’s one thing to wish me a “Merry Christmas.” I’m used to it. But don’t be so stupid as to assume that every child you see celebrates Christmas. You should know better by now.

Later that day she told me, and I quote, “I’m going to say ‘Happy Holidays’ to people so I don’t make them feel sad if they don’t celebrate Christmas or Chanukah. When people say ‘Merry Christmas’ it’s not nice because not everyone celebrates Christmas and Santa.”

Yeah. My three-year-old is smarter than probably 80% of this country. At least I know there is hope in our future. And yes, I’m totally boasting about my kid… and you know why? Because she’s proven to be smarter than just about everyone she has come into contact with in the last 48 hours. 

Going Parental appears every Thursday. Idiots that upset my daughter appear far too often and much to my dismay, walk away without a limp.