Going Parental: Woman returns adopted child because they didn’t bond (seriously)
This is for real. This actually happened. A woman adopted a little boy, and then terminated the adoption after 18 months, claiming she couldn’t bond with the child. Seriously? That’s even allowed? Apparently, it is. I watched the Matt Lauer interview with the mother of this child, Anita Tedaldi. It absolutely blows me away that these people are sitting on a couch and talking about this situation with such dismissive and accepting tones. What the hell is wrong with people? These are children — real live little people. We’re not talking about returning an outfit that doesn’t fit. This is a person. What kind of message does this send to adoptive parents out there? What about the women that give up their infants thinking that they are off to a better home where they will be loved and cared for, not shuffled around? Will this type of story scare them away? Will it encourage more of this behavior? “Oh well, yeah I didn’t really bond so much with that kid, so I gave him back and now we’re trying out a new one. We’ll see how it goes.”
I fear this sends a horrible message.
Natalie Morales from the Today Show has a lot of sympathy for this woman. I have none. I felt nothing after reading her essay, other than complete sadness for this child. To be found on the side of the road, adopted and then given back feels just plain cruel to me. As a mother, it’s simply a decision and action I cannot connect with in any way at all.
Can you?
Going Parental appears every Thursday.
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I COULDNT BELIEVE IT EITHER!! RIDICULOUSLY HEARTLESS ! HOW IS THAT LEGAL? THAT POOR KID!! THE BABY WAS TREATED AS AN ITEM , NOT A HUMAN BEING. SO SAD.. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WORLD TURNING INTO?? AND PEOPLE FEEL BAD FOR THAT SHITHEAD WHO GAVE BACK THE BABY?? WHAT THE FUCK?! DID SHE DO IT SO SHE CAN RECEIVE SOME SORT OF SYMPATHY FROM PEOPLE?? SICK FUCK..
PS.. HOW THE HELLLLLL DO YOU NOT BOND WITH A BABY? SERIOUSLY… THIS BITCH HAS NO HEART AND MAYBE SHOULDNT HAVE EVER THOUGHT ABOUT ADOPTING.. WHERE IS THE OTHER PARENT IN ALL THIS? OR WAS IT A SELFISH ACT ON HER PART? MAYBE SHE COULDNT KEEP A LOVER SO SHE HAD TO RUIN THIS POOR KID???
I may be the dissenting voice here, but I read the original piece on the NYTimes blog “Motherlode” where this woman discusses her decision. Although it is sad, she does have her reasons. He wound up getting adopted by another family and will most likely have no memory of this event when he grows up. I don’t think she should be praised, but I also don’t think she should be vilified… esp since the story has a happy ending, at least for the boy.
Thank God for mothers and women like you Jaclyn. I don’t watch The Today Show. As cheesy as it is I watch Fox and Friends instead. Before I had cable I would watch Today show and the view. After I saw what no big whoop said about the creep polanski and his victim I feel like I’ve been released from bondage.
So you would rather have this woman, someone who is patently unfit to be a parent, retain custody of this adopted child she doesn’t want?
You want this woman to go ahead and raise this child she doesn’t want?
Yeah…. that makes a lot of sense. (There is not an emoticon available for the amount of scorn I wish to convey with that last sentence.)
While I have no sympathy for the window-shopping would-be mom, I am glad she had the decency to do the right thing and return the child.
I don’t believe this woman should be vilified either, nor does she or I say at any point that she didn’t “want” the child, Preacher.
I think that this child came into her world and disrupted it. Her children clearly had issues with the transition, and she made it quite apparent that he caused numerous problems between her and her husband. If everyone that had a child gave it away because they had difficult relationships with their parents, or caused problems between their parents and their siblings, there would be millions of childless adults out there, not to mention millions of children without homes.
I don’t think giving him up was the decent thing to do. I think it was, at the end of the day, the easiest way for this woman to fix her family and herself. I think it was selfish. I don’t doubt that she has intense grief and guilt. I also don’t think she gave him enough time. 18 months? It can take years for a child to bond with an adoptive parent.
Regardless, my main concern, as I stated in my post is the fallout from something like this. Maybe this happens all the time, who knows. But this particular incident was sensationalized. So now it’s out there. Now everyone’s reading about it, hearing about it and what I’m wondering is how many parents out there with difficult adopted kids are now thinking…. hmmmm… if she can give him back….