Top ten signs you’ve chosen the wrong college

Top ten signs you’ve chosen the wrong college

Posted on September 28th, 2009 by Bob Sullivan

10. All your professors also work in the cafeteria.

9. Its Latin motto is actually written in Pig Latin.

8. All of the library books have already been colored in.

7. It boasts “a graduation rate higher than most District of Columbia high schools.”

6. The student center has an onsite bail bondsman.

5. All the dissecting in biology class is done on roadkill.

4. Its most notable alumnus is Howie Mandell.

3. In the Jeopardy College Championship, it lost to Hamburger U.

2. The dean giggles every time he hears the work ‘matriculate’.

1. Instead of the S.A.T., you just have to pass a urine test.

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.