Going parental: Potty mouth parents in denial
Here’s the gist: I have a potty mouth. No denying it. I drop F-bombs and A-bombs like they’re going out of style. Most of the time I manage to earmuff my daughter or at the very least, wait for her to leave the room. I’m an adult, I can say what I want. But I don’t want my daughter running around cursing or even worse, teaching her friends to curse.I accept the fact that one day she too will be dropping bombs. I’m not going to say I look forward to it or will condone it, I just accept that it’s going to happen, and like everything else, I’ll deal with it at the time.
Cursing in my family wasn’t a big deal. If I cursed at my parents, forget it. A shoe was definitely being hurled at my head. But if I let an A-bomb or S-bomb out and it was appropriately used, it generally went unnoticed. Here’s an example of appropriate cursing in my house when I was a teenager:
“I’m having a really hard time in math. My teacher keeps calling on me when he knows I don’t know the answer. It’s embarrassing and humiliating. He even smiles when I get the answer wrong. He’s such an asshole.”
To which my mother would reply, “What kind of teacher does that? I’m calling the school, that’s unacceptable.” (Think Jewish Bronx accent when you hear it in your head; it’s funnier that way.)
See? No reference whatsoever to me using the word asshole. Because it was used appropriately. The guy was an asshole and he got off on making me feel like an imbecile in class. Unacceptable to my mother. Suffice it to say, calls were made and I was switched to a different math class where I ended up with an A. So there, Mr. Levine, you really were an asshole. Even my mom thought so.
I do have a point here, and it’s this: If a parent ever calls me and tells me that their child has been walking around cursing and saying that my daughter taught their kid the word(s), I would listen to the parent, apologize profusely, and then talk to my daughter about it. What I wouldn’t do is deny it up and down and go on and on about how my daughter would never say those words and it couldn’t possibly have come from her.
Earth to stupid parents in denial: your kids hear every word you say and like it or not, they’re out there repeating them. If I call and tell you your kid taught my kid a curse word and you deny it, you’ve done two things:
1) You’ve called my kid a liar and now I think you’re an ignorant douche bag and I’m fantasizing about smacking you in the mouth.
2) You’re ignoring the fact that it really may be your kid running around teaching her entire 1st grade class the word “asshole,” and you’ve just completely disregarded it and let her get away with it. Because that’s the way we effect change in our children.
Even if it wasn’t your kid, the time has clearly come to have the “no swearing” talk.
The reality is that our kids hear everything we say, everything their friends say and so on. Instead of living in denial, just face the fact that your kid may too be a potty mouth and you need to do something about it. Or as I’ve said before, if you don’t deal with it, then I guess I’ll just have to.
Big ups to my PMC’s. You know who you are.
Going Parental appears every fucking Thursday. Have a nice day.
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Yeah I had to call a parent of a kid at Liam’s pre-school and apologise after he called her a “poopy-head”. Mortifying having to say “poopy-head” to another adult!
LOL – so then if “kids hear everything we say…”
…what you are saying is parents should be wary about having playdates at your house, not for fear of what your daughter will say, but for fear of what you will say. Just control yourself woman! Reserve the A-bombs and F-bombs for all of the hours in the day when your kiddie (and her friends) isn’t around you.
Amy – that is exactly what I’m saying. Besides, I probably don’t want their kids over or even like them anyway. haha
I’m actually extra careful when other peoples kids are around me. Well except yours. Sorry. haha
BOO-YA-KA.. to my PMC’s!!!
Louisa,
Who did you call poopy-head that Liam repeated it to someone else?
Every parent has to find their own comfort zone. We agreed with you that you can’t be a hypocrite in front of your kid. We were foul-mouthed; he was foul-mouthed. Eventually he came home and said, “Mom, Daniel doesn’t like it when I say ‘shit.'” We said, “well, if you care about Daniel’s friendship you’re going to have to not say ‘shit’ in front of him.” He learned that there were different rules for different people. We never got the parents bugging us about his mouth but if we had, we would have said, “Our kid is allowed to say ‘shit’ at home if he wants, but he gets a time out for saying ‘stupid,'” which was true. But we also would have told them that if they didn’t like his language they should tell him, “You can’t come to our house if you talk like that.” They would have thought we were weird, but they would have coped. But we were weird, so, like I say, you ahve to decide what you’re comfortable with.
Eva – that is exactly how I grew up. It was just an understanding that in our house, the rules were different. We spoke freely, and yes sometimes that included the occasional curse. It wasn’t an issue. But my sisters and I still knew when and where it was appropriate. Not once was I ever reprimanded by a friends parent or at school for my language. If anything, I’m reprimanded more now by my friends. Go figure.
lol